2017 Hammy Awards

Gather 'round, everyone! The 2017 Hammy Awards are in and this year was a doozy! The HCB crew has picked through a myriad of titles from Indies to the Big Two and we are ready to let slip the dogs of war.
Without further ado, I'm pleased to present your 2017 Hammies.          

REVIEW: Double Review

Since Madman did a double review a couple of weeks ago, I thought I would follow suit and review two, too.
Made you say, “Tutu.”

Sacred Creatures #2
Written by Pablo Raimondi & Klaus Janson

Art by Pablo Raimondi
Colors by Chris Chuckry
Letters by Tom Orzechowski
Review by Art Bee

Sacred Creatures is just about as incredible as comics come. The first issue was double-sized and did a remarkable job setting the stage for a great story. I am going to do my best to present this spoiler free.

The story is set in New York City and centers on a group of long-lived individuals with the ability to plant suggestions into people’s minds by touching them. These first two issues focus on the events these ancient puppeteers have instigated in the life of Josh, an unemployed father-to-be. Josh is forced to commit murder by this group’s suggestions. The thing I love the most about this story is the reader is just as lost and has just as many questions as Josh. Raimondi and Janson have woven an intense web of mystery, and the beautiful part is how interesting the story is. During both issues I was sitting forward and entranced.          

REVIEW: Madman's Two-4-One Special

Reviews: Madman

Dead of Winter #1

Writer: Kyle Starks
Illustrations and Colors: Gabriel Bautista
Letters: Crank

For the most part I’ve recently not strayed too far from the usual titles cemented on my weekly pull lists, due to the fact I’ve been funneling my extra money into other hobbies and the like. The other reason being my give-a-damn is busted. In my opinion there are far more crap books saturating the market then there are quality books…just my humble opinion. Sometimes even this Marvel fanboy needs to take a step back, catch his breath, and scrap the poo off his shoes.

In recent weeks, however, I’ve decided to venture into uncharted waters once again and explore some random books that I would otherwise left rotting on the shelf of my LCS. This book is one such curiosity I picked up. I had no clue what the book was about, in fact, I knew nothing of it other than the cover was pretty rad and curious at the same time. We have a cape wearing pooch licking blood off his paws as a horde of zombies approach from the background.
Now, I readily admit; I’m pretty zombied out at this point. Don’t get me wrong I still religiously watch The Walking Dead when it’s on the picture box and half-heartedly choke down an issue or two of TWD comic now and then, even that has my interests in the zombie genre waning. I had serious doubts about this book as soon as I pulled it from the shelf, but that dog…what’s up with him, and why is it wearing a cap?
I just had to know, so here we are.              

REVIEW: Clue #1

Writer: Paul Allor
Artist: Nelson Daniel
Letterer: Neil Uyetake
Review: Art Bee

Clue #1 hit the shelves of my LCS under my radar. The classic board game CLUE® from Parker Bros. has been a family favorite all of my life. With the delivery of a comic book based on the game, I figured I would do a bit of research and learn its origins. CLUE® was created by Anthony E. Pratt, a native of England, in 1944 when he patented the game and sought its manufacture. In 1949 the Parker Bros. company petitioned for its distribution in the United States. This game is currently in production and played in over 40 countries. Now if you are like me, Col. Mustard is always the murderer and you believe so even if the proof says otherwise.

In the board game there are six suspects in the murder of Mr. Boddy, and I am sure we all know most if not all of them (Mustard done it!). The comic book brings these same six characters and a few others into the investigation of A. Boddy (clever, right?). At the very beginning of the comic book, the butler and narrator, Upton, tells you to read the story first, and there are three extra clues at the end. At this point my temptation was to flip to the back of the book to see the three clues, but in lieu of spoilers I fought the urge…
Hardest battle I have fought since quitting smoking.        

REVIEW: Star Wars: Droids Unplugged one-shot

Script & Art: Chris Eliopoulos
Colors: Jordie Bellaire
Review: Will Dubbeld

I had serious misgivings about Disney's acquisition of Marvel, both as a fan and a shareholder.
Mostly as a fan.
I didn't have enough stock to warrant a fiscal concern...
In any case, visions of a beclawed Mickey Mouse/Wolverine mashup haunted my dreams.
Time goes on as time does and my fears were largely dismissed.
I've yet to see a Spider-Man/Donald Duck team-up, there's been some pretty entertaining films, and Disney hasn't dicked the dog as much as it could have potentially with editorial meddling.
I mean...it ain't great by any means, but I could be a helluva lot worse.
Like Valiant comics after the Acclaim buyout.

Anyhow, some years pass and The House of Mouse and The House of Ideas seem to have found some synergy.
And then I hear Disney bought Lucasfilm.
Whereas there were apprehensions about the Marvel deal I had no such concerns in this case.
Star Wars was the first and best corner of nerdery I discovered as a child. It was one of the first comics I owned as a child.                  

REVIEW: Spider-Men 2 #1

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Sara Pichelli
Colors: Justin Ponsor
Review: Madman

Well, I have once again fallen into the filthy quagmire we all know and love as life. In layman’s terms, I’ve fallen way behind on my reading, as this giant stack of neglected comics on my coffee table proves. I threw this Wednesdays’ haul on top of the stack and decided I would read comics tonight instead of carving spray foam out of a 20 gal fish aquarium that I’m converting into a bioactive vertical gecko habitat.
(I get bored and need to do stuff, or I explode and guts and junk go flying everywhere, and then the wife is yelling that I got my meat chunks all over the sofa she just vacuumed beast hair off of, then the dog eats my innards…and that pisses my wife off as well.)

I made it through two books (this one and Spider-Man: Master Plan which was super lame and a total waste of my time) before life (In this case pancakes and bacon and then falling asleep on the couch) happened again. I had zero intention of ever buying this book and apparently overlooked it in my stack of books from the LCS. I never read the first Spider-Men series because, to put it bluntly, I just didn’t give a rat’s ass. We just survived Spider-Verse and then Marvel decided that Spider-Man needed more clones, and we got the Clone Conspiracy and our “beloved” Ben Riley back…
I’m sick of clones and of Marvel needing to have as many Spider-What-Have-Yous crammed into the same panel as possible. I’m just over it.          

REVIEW: Shirtless Bear-Fighter #1

Created by: Jody Leheup, Sebastian Girner, & Nil Vendrell
Written by: Jody Leheup & Sebastian Girner
Art: Nil Vendrell
Color: Mike Spicer
Letters: Dave Lanphear
Review: Will Dubbeld

"Let 'im have it, boys! That bear's rubbin' his ass on America!"

What The--?!
The Tick
God Hates Astronauts 
Madman
And now, Shirtless Bear-Fighter.

Well, let's not be hasty. It's got to prove itself worthy of the Hallowed Halls of Irreverent Comics, but Shirtless Bear-Fighter is off to a good start.
Preordered on title alone, SBF was a welcome sight when it showed up in my stack at the ol' LCS.

Hoo, boy, where to start...
Shirtless Bear-Fighter starts off with a bang, showcasing a young, amorous couple necking in the woods and promptly subjected to a bear attack.
Luckily, our titular character is on hand to deliver a rescue.
The first panel revealing our hero depicts him striding from the forest, all chiseled and hairy and nekkid as the day he was born, pixelated swingin' dick and all.
The ensuing fracas is a sight to behold, readers, proving you haven't lived until you've seen a nude comic book hero deliver a belly-to-back suplex to a bear...