REVIEW: Spider-Men 2 #1

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Sara Pichelli
Colors: Justin Ponsor
Review: Madman

Well, I have once again fallen into the filthy quagmire we all know and love as life. In layman’s terms, I’ve fallen way behind on my reading, as this giant stack of neglected comics on my coffee table proves. I threw this Wednesdays’ haul on top of the stack and decided I would read comics tonight instead of carving spray foam out of a 20 gal fish aquarium that I’m converting into a bioactive vertical gecko habitat.
(I get bored and need to do stuff, or I explode and guts and junk go flying everywhere, and then the wife is yelling that I got my meat chunks all over the sofa she just vacuumed beast hair off of, then the dog eats my innards…and that pisses my wife off as well.)

I made it through two books (this one and Spider-Man: Master Plan which was super lame and a total waste of my time) before life (In this case pancakes and bacon and then falling asleep on the couch) happened again. I had zero intention of ever buying this book and apparently overlooked it in my stack of books from the LCS. I never read the first Spider-Men series because, to put it bluntly, I just didn’t give a rat’s ass. We just survived Spider-Verse and then Marvel decided that Spider-Man needed more clones, and we got the Clone Conspiracy and our “beloved” Ben Riley back…
I’m sick of clones and of Marvel needing to have as many Spider-What-Have-Yous crammed into the same panel as possible. I’m just over it.          

I’ve been a following Miles Morales, a.k.a. Spider-Man, since he was birthed into the MU. I’m a fan.
I’ve been following Peter Parker, a.k.a. Spider-Man, for around 30 years. I’m a fan. I just don’t want my Spider-Men touching, and the coleslaw is definitely touching the taters. In the timeless words of Dexter Holland, “you gotta keep ‘em separated.”

This book itself seriously lacks in upsides in my opinion. The plot is not even remotely grabbing and the dialogue between Miles and Peter is awkward to say the least. Marvel has decided that clones of Peter are not enough, and that we needed clones or evil twin of Miles…
That’s right: they introduce a Miles clone or some garbage in that  same neighborhood.

Pichelli’s art didn’t help matters. The facial expressions throughout the pages were even more awkward than Bendis’ dialogue and made me physically wince once or twice. Miles actually looked like he was melting in a few panels. The only thing I actually liked in this first issue was Pichelli’s Taskmaster rendition. He looks like a contender for sure. Hands down the best Taskmaster that has ever been, and I love it. No way would I ever buy the second issue of this series without Taskmaster’s wicked awesomeness, and now there’s pretty much no way I can not get it (cue the nosebleed)
In general, however, I’d say steer clear of this one at all costs.